It’s not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

Wife: Let’s go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, ‘Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!’ Martha replies, ‘Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?’ The man responds, ‘I don’t care. Just so long as you’re out of the house by noon!’

I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months – I don’t like to interrupt her.

If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

1. It’s important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It’s important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3. It’s important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn’t lie to you.

4. It’s important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It’s very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

Found on http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/80462232/

The anthropologists decided that this tribe was better to remain “uncontacted”.