It’s not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
Wife: Let’s go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, ‘Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!’ Martha replies, ‘Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?’ The man responds, ‘I don’t care. Just so long as you’re out of the house by noon!’
I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months – I don’t like to interrupt her.
If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.